2005-08-09
All's Well That Ends Well: A Tale of Two Cities
Phoof! I did it! I phoned my online friendo in Chicago and he answered!
That was weird. was I ever nervous for no reason. I'm still all shaky and jittery-adrenaline feeling. This is my social anxiety letting me know it loves me. but it went ok. it's pretty strange calling a total stranger for no reason, though. what the hell to talk about?!
I just told myself who cares, just see what happens. Scientific experiment-like. So, what happens is it's totally obvious that I'm nervous and he calls me on it and I explain that I'm shy and he thinks that's cute. Of course. Everybody thinks shy is cute -- that's why you have to tell them, otherwise they think you have a thyroid problem you're hiding.
Good gravy, though. I was telling an in-the-flesh friend about this, that I had exchanged ph #s with this person, and I said that I was somewhat reluctant to phone because I'm bad at talking. I always have wished I could just communicate with people by writing, and here I am, dream-time with dland and myspace, and now this person wants to talk with voices, on the phone, all spontaneous repartee-like. How stressful. How average everyday, though, too.
I'll just have to take it as quicktime blogging, I guess. It's not like I usually spend a lot of time pondering my next move on here or anything -- entries spill out almost as fast as I can type -- so the phone is still not face to face... it's like a dictaphone, if I want it to be. And I do. The only thing is once you've said something, it's heard. Whereas I can edit this, reread what I've written and make it better -- even after it's been read, if I want, for my own peace of mind. Nobody knows about the way I mix words up when I'm speaking, because I think of a better word when I'm halfway through one. Like, kwicked, for example, when I'm beginning to say 'cool' but decide to say 'wicked'. Or even the more stuttery examples. I stutter with strangers. I don't like it. It's like I'm typing with my mouth and I keep having to backspace and start again.
It's not like I've never talked to strangers before, either -- but usually it's some random spontaneous thing in a bar. This is different because we've already been communicating by e-mail and reading each other's blogs, so there are things we know about each other. And, there is some pressure, at least I feel it, to be entertaining -- and/or consistent with the online me.
This latter thing I will explode asap, of course, because there's nothing worse than establishing a friendship on what you think they think you're like, or what you think they would like you to be like. The best tactic vs. that is the old I'm-really-a-giant-nerd-so-deal-with-it gambit, wherein you persistently say things that you think you "shouldn't", according to what you think they think. Shocked silence is better than awkward silence. Of which, of course, there were a few. But I have silences even with my sisters, who I'm very close to.
Anyways, he's calling me back tomorrow night b/c he had someone over. Weirdness beckons. It's good to have some weirdness in your life to shock you awake, though, keep you on your toes and all that.
Finally, something new in my life!!
pansycline at 11:21 p.m.