2004-12-10
it's a madhouse
Ok, I'm supposed to be writing an essay, but instead I'm fucking around on diaryland reading strangers diaries and hoping to find something good... and I did!! I found this in poocakes diary. I just copied and pasted it because I'm no good at links (i.e. I don't know how to do them). So here you go. Incidentally, it occurs to me that I'm really milking this one essay. I haven't done dishes, laundry, or a fingers worth of cleaning in weeks!! And somehow, I just can't seem to make any progress. lalala. Read on, o kinky turtles:
Sizzler Sisters: Bank Hold-Up
Transcribed from: Comedy Network
Transcribed by: [email protected]
Cast:
Dave- Jerry Sizzler, blonde
Kevin- Jerry Sizzler, brunette
Bruce- bank manager
[ In a bank. The Sizzlers run in and stand before the line of people, making that animal sound.]
Kevin: Good afternoon, pricks! I'm Jerry Sizzler, and this is my sister!
Dave: Jerrrrrry Sizzler! We are of course two armed and dangerous sisters, and not too clearly insane people. Now hands up!
[The line just stares.]
Kevin: You better do it, pricks. We have a gun. [brandishes a wallet] I'm not afraid to use this!
[Line ignores them.]
Kevin: Come on, up, up, up!
Dave: If you could do me a personal favour and pretend he has a real gun [brandishes a real gun, line holds their hands up], and if you could so manage to look a bit frightened. [line gasps] Ah, excellent! Quite excellent, thank you.
Kevin: I said hands up, pricks!
Dave: And take your shoes off! Take off your shoes! [line takes off shoes] Hold them up, now mix them up, mix up the shoes, mix up the shoes....... [they switch shoes in the air, Dave begins to collapse] Jerry, Jerry.......
Kevin: Look what you're doing to her. STOP! [they stop] Ok now you, [points to a man] you fall in love with her.
[He points to a woman next to him. They look at each other, and put their arms around each other]
Dave: Right Jerry. And now to business. [they walk over to a female clerk] Where's the manager? [She points below the counter, Bruce pops up in a mustache.]
Bruce: I'm the manager, alright how much money do you want?
Kevin: We don't want any money, dear boy. We want to deposit $110.
Dave: And we want you to do it now! We want to put 90 into our chequing account and 20 into our personal savings.
[Bruce signs the back of it.]
Bruce: There, done.
[He feels for the alarm button below the counter, Dave points his gun at him.]
Dave: Wait a minute, funny boy. We never endorsed that cheque! [he signs it]
Kevin: Very clever Jerry! Very clever. [sirens are heard] Jerry, coppers!
Dave: No Jerry, that sounds like the police!
Kevin: [gasp] That's even worse, let's run!
[They run out making the animal noise. Dave steps out and sees Kevin in front of him. He cocks his gun and shoots him.]
Dave: Jerry!
Kevin: Yes, Jerry!
Dave: You've been shot, Jerry!
Kevin: My god you're right Jerry! What's this city coming to?
Dave: It's a madhouse, Jerry.
Kevin: A madhouse!
Dave: A madhouse!
[Dave drags Kevin off, both screaming "It's a madhouse!" "It's a virtual madhouse!"]
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Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video
pansycline at 4:02 p.m.