2005-03-17
the hippy shudder
Pt. II
The downward roll is happening in the usual vacillations [undulations? that sounds too much like stripping, but I know vacillations is back and forth. oh well] of my feelings &/ rational thought toward G. i.e. I don't like him right now and I'm trying really hard not to let it show but I'm pretty sure he knows. I usually just pass it off as not enough sleep or hungry or something along those lines.
He thinks we're going to get married one day. [Never tell him that I told you that.] But we don't have anything to talk about. But I don't have the guts to leave. Not to mention nowhere to go.
I have a hard time believing he can't see the same gaping flaws in his plan that I do.
hohum. my token 'boys' entry. does it ever end? no. it's a disturbing undercurrent that seeps to the surface at all the wrong times.
speaking of disturbing. I clicked on Indrid-cold's banner. I really want to go smoke a cigarette but now I'm terrified there'll be a serial killer lurking outside the door, or walking down the street and when I open my door a little red light will click on in his/her eyes and s/he will come loping slyly toward my yard and just when I think they are walking past, they'll turn into my gate and get me.
Either that or one is in my room already and I'm safer outside. *whimper-noise* Why did I read that thing?
Ok, I'm gonna check right now. If I don't put anything after this line that means bad news. Also if my handwriting changes.
I'm safe. no really. It's me.
now I'm scared an axe or a skeleton hand or some armoured tentacles are going to come bursting through the floor in front of my feet.
nothing I can do about that, I guess. Got the ol' Windex here to burn their eyes with, at least.
maybe if I burn some incense I can get into more of a cosmic groove and be less paranoid. yes, that's correct, a Cosmic Groove. A Psychedelic Highway. The Galactic Taxi. Interplanetary Partay. The Interstellar Caterpillar. the Wiggly Wormhole. Levitation Station. You get the picture. I ain't no Jimi Hendrix but even Jimi Hendrix wasn't really Jimi Hendrix, I bet. Figure out that Zen koan.
That's right, I'm Zen now. Been eating my Zen flakes every day.
And along with my Zen flakes, I eat 3 portions of smoke-i-o's a day, for a well-balanced lifestyle. Yes, that's correct. I eat my cigarettes.
***
now I feel bad for writing that about G. I'm sure I still like him. Probably I just need to drink more water.
pansycline at 7:44 p.m.