2005-04-12
there are swear words in here
somedaymyprincewillcomesomedaymyprincewillcomesomedaymyprincewillcomeblahblahblahblahblahblah.
that is a real song. sung by Cinderella, I do believe. who writes that shit and why is it part of the permanent repertoire of songs in my head? along w/ 'jesus loves me' -- but only in the night when I'm alone. it's true. I can't help it. I'll stab you if you ever sing that song to me in the night.
***
Considering I'm in the midst of quitting smoking cold turkey (more or less), I'm not 100% surprised to hear I'm being belligerent. But crazy? weird? I hate those words. They're so empty and void and crushingly wrong-making. For the millionth time I want to know who the fuck gets to judge what 'crazy' and 'weird' is. I just want to know. that's all. a simple question. no need to raise our voices here.
I'm not happy.
***
Decided to get a bike instead of a printer-scanner. Since I owe my parents $300 and haven't paid tuition yet this semester. A mode of transportaion is slightly more responsible. Plus they gave me $$ last summer to buy a bike and I spent it on groceries. What fun. Oh, sorry, by "they" I mean my parents. The unintentional shame they project I try to avoid more than ever these days because all of a sudden not only am I aware of it, it horrifies me. Sometimes I miss the days of total oblivion.
I'm hoping to win this essay contest I entered (obviously: a. I entered because I hope to win; b. I entered) which would allow me to get ahead in the big bad ugly black stinking poisonous miasma of money managing.
anyways, blardeblahblar all around. Imagine a situation. Now imagine me complaining about it. There, you've read my diary. Have an uplifting life.
pansycline at 1:23 a.m.