2005-04-19
prince god's mini-crisis of confidence
Everytime I don't click on somebody's banner I feel guilty, because I know I just wasted one of their ads. Talk about ODing!! [OD now stands for over doing it, not over dosing.]
I am up to reading 20 pages an hour. this is of non-fiction, so I'm feeling pretty high speed.
***
In other news, I keep getting these "Congratulations __whoever__!!" e-mails from my school about people winning fellowships and other money for their academic prowess. I am happy for them, but more, embarassingly, I feel this stinging jealousy. combined w/ worry, because I haven't won shit. of course I haven't applied to that many things but I've applied to some and, I repeat, I haven't won shit.
I've been trying to tell myself that it's because my genius has yet to learn how to speak to the level of awards committees, but even if that were true, which I'm not so sure about today, who cares? I'm still not getting any cash! in which case, what's the point of being genius?
I know, I know, to save the world from itself, but I'm not so sure the world deserves to be saved.
If I were Jesus Christ, that wouldn't matter, but since I am merely the son of god it's a bit more tricky.
pansycline at 11:09 a.m.