2005-05-21
shirts & skins
today my skin seems very thick. too thick. like a layer of dried pudding or something congealed and sticky around me. which is weird, because I've always been considered / considered myself more thin-skinned than thick.
maybe not so weird. it seems obvious and cheesy that the thick skin is a reaction to the thin -- that the reason I feel funny in the thick is that it's constructed.
I don't want to be a baby, but I'm worried that I'm getting lost inside here. that there will come a point I can't poke my finger through, put my eye to the hole, and peer out at everyone from this safe vantage place anymore.
sometimes my eyes look vacant to me, and it's terrifying. even though I am one of "them", to them, I think it's vital to be able to sense a differentiation from other people too. to not relate entirely based on surface or brief encounters means that you still have more to know, that you are still counting on the depth of people and don't think you can fully understand them, ever. I used to think it was tragic that no one can ever be completely comprehended by another, and it is, on one hand, but it's also quite beautiful.
pansycline at 1:13 p.m.