2006-02-06

yes and no

I don't feel smart lately. I feel like my brain is my thumb and pointy finger trying to circle my forearm. ha. I wrote "foreham" -- I guess I think I'm tougher than I thought I did.

today I was trying to read about ontology and polarities-not-contradictions [editor: and here we encounter the not-so-rare public diary habit of stating something negative about oneself and then figuratively fluttering ones eyelashes and trying to take it back w/o really taking it back. clearly this is a cry for reassurance. do not respond. it will only encourage her.] and form vs. dynamics but not really vs. b/c dynamic and form are interdependent form is really vs. chaos but we say it's vs. dynamic because you can't have form vs. chaos b/c it's logically impossible for the two of them to exist in the same anywhere at the same time since chaos is nonexistence it has to be either chaos or form and as my mind began to prove all of that wrong by becoming chaos in the form of a skull, all I could think about was this glittery pink dress I have and whether or not I have to wear a slip under it and how white kneesocks w/ white patent leather gogo boots would look way better with it than black fishnets and white boots or black boots for sure. And how I can't wait 'til summer so I can go out in that outfit.

Can I also say that I hate people who talk when I'm trying to think!!!! And also, those who use ink in library books. I find it impossible to distinguish between the act and the agent when it comes to burning hatred of pen in library books, so if you are my friend and this is a habit of yours don't tell me or I will be forced (by my self, of course) to shun you for life. yes. for life.

oh, also I ended up shafting that guy on the movie date. I realized that I'm not really interested in working up a friendship w/ this person so the only reason I would have interrupted the Sunday that I really really wanted to stay at home the duration of was because I felt sorry for him and well, I'm trying to not do that anymore. Last time I got stuck for 4 years.

When I told him he used the disappointed voice on me. It made my skin crawl. I was triple glad I cancelled.

oh, right and the movie is called Water, directed by Deepa Mehta, and it is apparently incredible. And not playing anywhere anymore. But I will rent it.

Also, I noticed that I left the "boy" strand of this diary on a rather bleak note. All is well. 10 days straight of hanging out w/ even the most fantastic person can make this mild-mannered doe into a narrow-eyed bitch. I repeat: Need. Time. Alone.
I'm really loving this long distance business. Well. Ok, not all of the time.

pansycline at 7:36 p.m.

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