2005-06-10
jiminy buffet! ("i'm your conscience" -- quick, gimme a shoe!)
ok, first things first: everyone knows that horoscopes are randomly generated sets of nouns, verbs, and astrological signs, right?
just thought I'd get that out there. wo/man vs. the machines: wo/man 1!
***
I got a surprise today. The phone rang at 1:30 and it was the chair of the department asking if I'd like to take over the last 3 weeks of someone's teaching assistant contract -- starting today!! Yes! I shrieked, professionally.
It's for an online course, which means I grade papers submitted online, have online discussion groups and "office" hours [if they only knew -- I think I'll have to invest in some leopard print slinky teddies and robes, maybe some pink fluffy ones too, oh, and the matching slippers, of course, to make my working at home gig the actual idea of how great working at home is supposed to be. Now if only I had a pool and the boy that goes with it... just to serve me things, of course]. I'm excited. Even though I really like interacting with real live students, this fits my schedule much better, and gives me some much needed variety in the money work area.
blah de blah.
***
as mentioned in previous entry:
I went to my friend's tradeschool grad ceremony this evening. And I'm not sure what to choose as the best part. Was it... the terrible sound system that made all the speakers sound like they were drowning? the heartwarming [overwarmed, actually, kind of like this burning feeling] renditions of 'oh canada' and 'unforgettable'? [yes. Unforgettable, or, as the lady one chair over said, 'forgettable'. Why? Why do they sing such things at graduations, when all people want to do from day one is forget about each other?!] No wait, wait! It must be the latin-ish dance music blaring through the banquet hall all through dinner!!
nope. you lose again. ok, I lose.
I really really think that the best part was this:
There is a girl in G's class who really really likes to eat. A lot. Of crap. Thus, she is truly fat. She is also very nice, and very gay. And she is from Kuwait, I think.
She and her girlfriend do erotic eating things together, such as eating poutine [french fries under gravy and melted cheese curds] off of each others stomachs -- yet, somehow, the gf is not so fat. genes, I guess.
The girl and her girlfriend, plus the girl's sister and father, sat at the same table as me and my friend. Her father is living in Syria, but visiting. He does not speak English and does not know that his daughter is gay. She and her girlfriend, as far as he knows, are 'room mates'.
In Canada roommates do things like rub each others legs, gaze into each others eyes with lust/love, and feed each other cheesecake. That's just the way it is. Move over Sweden.
(So, now that I'm getting to the point of this story, I'm realizing that it's not that hilarious -- though it still is funny in my mind. je m'excuse.)
The dinner was a buffet, meaning everyone shoveling as much into their guts as possible "before the food is gone!" or something, I guess. The food was actually quite good [esp. because I was expecting meat slices drowned in congealing gravy; with peas and potatoes on the side - which it was not at all] but buffets just gross me out in general. The desperation of the line-ups is sickening, and there's no way to avoid seeing people hunched over their plates, sucking back pasta and chicken wings, while simultaneously keeping an eye on the table to make sure they can go back for, I don't know, fifths?
So anyways, add a buffet to two chicks in love who LOVE to eat, and you can imagine the PILES of comestibles they hawed through. My eyes water at the thought of it! But, I, at least knew what was going on...
the look, on the girl's dad's face, was... I'm sorry, I'm shitting the bed with this story, but jesus the guy was just positively revolted and his face... sort of stunned, sickened, puzzled...
well, that's it. the best part of the night. sitting watching the guy watch his lesbian daughter and her girlfriend chow down 50 lbs of dinner. to blaring latin dance tunes.
pansycline at 1:24 a.m.